A Thought, An Emotion
by AquaianGoddess
Summary: Uhh, IT'S ME AGAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ::Coughs:: Anyway. Rated PG13 For some mild cursing and some *ahem* mature issues.  Just click the title and Read, I don't wanna give anything away, you know. Go on, CLICK IT! You know you want to. AND I DON'T CARE IF MY


A Thought, An Emotion  
By: Aquaian Goddess  
  
Warnings: Umm, well, a surprising thing happens to Marco. If you can't stand the thought of guys loveing other guys, turn around and run in the other direction. There's some OOC-ness here, and some cursing.  
  
A/N #1: Okay, this is from different peoples POV, battling thoughts in their heads.   
Later there's some Dialogue, but .....NEVER MIND!   
I ain't giving' nothing away!   
OH YEAH! The Text's things represent thought speech.  
  
A/N #1 1/2: The words in \text\ mean one thought and the words in [text] is like the little voice in your head that mocks you.  
  
ENJOY!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Marco:  
  
I was lying in my bed, crying into my pillow. Another day, another battle, and a realization.  
  
\No. No way. There's no way that I could be.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's NOT TRUE!!\  
  
[Oh, but it is.]  
  
\NO! I'm not in love with Jake.\  
  
[Don't do this to yourself. Stop denying the inevitable. You have known about your feelings for Jake for a long time now. Nearly six months.]  
  
\But I CAN'T be in love with Jake! He's my best friend!\  
  
[Ahhh, but isn't it always like that?]  
  
\What are you saying?\   
  
[Doesn't someone always fall for their best friend?]  
  
\Yeah but never another GUY!\  
  
[So? What's wrong with it?]  
  
\He has Cassie. I can't love Jake. I CAN'T LOVE ANOTHER GUY!!! Aww, hell with it.\  
  
[So, you've finally admitted it to yourself Marco. You're gay.]  
  
\So I'm gay, big deal.\  
  
[What will you do now Marco?]  
  
\What do you mean by that? I'll tell Jake how I feel, it's the only way.\  
  
[Is it?]  
  
\What are you trying to say?\  
  
[Think about it. You're gay, in love with your best friend, who has someone else, and you're gonna tell him how you feel?]  
  
\Yeah. If he turns me down, I'll live.\  
  
[Go for it. If you feel it's right...]  
  
  
"Yeah, it is." I said aloud. I knew where he'd be, with Cassie. Always with Cassie.  
  
\Don't tell me your jealous of her Marco. You are just going to state your emotions. No big deal. Not.\  
  
I decided to call his house anyway. Just to be sure. I dialed. It rang once, twice, three times. Tom picked up.  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
  
"Tom? It's Marco. Is Jake home?"  
  
  
"Yeah. Hang on." Tom covered the phone and shouted, "JAKE! TELEPHONE!" A pause. "IT'S MARCO!"  
  
  
"Marco?" Jake had picked up. It felt so good to hear his voice.  
  
  
"Jake. I need to talk to you. Can you come over?" My voice sounded strange, strained, forced.   
  
[Well, you have been crying.]   
  
  
"Yeah sure. What's wrong Marco? You sound upset."  
  
  
"I'll tell you when you get here."  
  
  
"All right. See you in a few minute Marco."  
  
  
"Bye Jake."  
  
  
"Later." He hung up. I hung up the phone and sighed, paced for another ten minutes, and sighed again.  
  
  
"I can't believe this. Me of all people, had to be gay. I always suspected Tobias. Ax possibly, but never me."   
  
  
The door to my room opened, and he walked in, in all his handsome glory, now I knew how Cassie felt when she looked at him, "Never you what?"  
  
  
"That's what I wanna talk to you about Jake." I took a deep, shaky breath.   
[What's the matter, Marco? You've never been nervous around Jake before.] \Shut up.\ "Can we not discuss it here?"  
  
  
"Sure, let's go for a walk." We got up and left. I started walking towards the ocean. "Marco? You're too quite." He stopped walked and faced me. "Tell me what's bugging you."  
  
  
"Jake. I'm......I'm gay." His eyes widened. Those brown eyes that I have grown to love more then any normal boy should love another boy, had a look of horror and realization, not to mention pity. I hate pity.  
  
  
"When did you find out?"  
  
  
"Six months ago."  
  
  
"SIX MONTHS?" Jake shouted.  
  
  
"Today, in battle, I found out another thing. I'm in love with you Jake." That's when he backed away. "Jake.....try to understand. Jake."  
  
  
"I understand Marco. I understand. I'm afraid."  
  
  
"Don't be afraid of me Jake. You face death everyday and suddenly, you chicken out because I'm a homosexual?" It hurt to hear him say he was afraid of me. It's not like being gay is contagious, damn it. I knew Jake wouldn't return my love. I knew it. What I didn't know was that it would hurt so much.  
  
  
"It's not that. What am I saying, Yes of course it's that Marco! I don't feel the same way and I never will! Who could you have kept this from me?! ME! Your best friend!" Jake handsome features were etched with hurt, fear and anger.   
  
  
"I just found out Jake! I would have told you sooner! At least about me being gay, if not my love for you, but I was afraid you'd push me and my love for you away Jake! You are throwing it away so carelessly."  
  
  
"I hate you, Marco. You have no idea about how I feel about all this. Go away. I don't want to see your face." he began walking in the opposite direction, the direction that Cassie's house lay.  
  
  
I opened my mouth to speak. To plead. To tell him to not walk away from me, not when I needed him the most. I stopped. "Fine Jake. Go run to Cassie and tell her what happened. You won't have to deal with me anymore."  
  
  
He stopped and turned, "Marco?" Too late, I was already running. Running towards the water that had supposedly claimed my mother's life. That will now claim my own. "MARCO WAIT!" I kept running, the tears blinding my vision.  
  
  
  
I had finally reached the cliffs edge. I looked down upon the choppy waters below. It began to rain.  
"Great, perfect. Wonderful weather for my mood." I thought about everything that had happened between Jake and I. From the time he helped me build a block tower when we were little, to the day he first saw Cassie, to Elfangor giving us our power, to now. Through all the years he had never said anything like that to me.  
  
\I thought he would understand.\  
  
[Yeah, well, he didn't. Love's a bitch that way.]  
  
\Why does it hurt so much?\  
  
[Love hurts.]  
  
\Way too much.\  
  
[Enough for you to take your life?]  
  
\Yes.\  
  
[I thought you said you'd live if he rejected you.]  
  
\I lied.\  
  
  
I looked again at the waters below, and jumped. Once I hit the water, my head had hit a rock, I blacked out. My pain was going to be over. Jake would no longer have to deal with me.  
  
  
  
Jake:  
  
  
I stood there my back turned to him. There he was. My best friend sence forever, telling me he was gay. That he was in love with me. I was angry, why I'll never know. But I was hurt and upset as well. Hurt because he hadn't told me sooner, and upset because...well, that I'll never know either.   
  
  
"Fine Jake. Go run to Cassie and tell her what happened. You won't have to deal with me anymore."  
  
  
I turned at that. \What is he talking about?\   
"Marco?" I was too late, he had already started running. Towards the beach. Towards the cliff. "Marco WAIT!" He wouldn't stop. I just stood there watching his retreating back.   
  
\I should go after him.\  
  
[Why?]  
  
\What do you mean "Why?" He's my friend.\  
  
[Is he, now?]  
  
\What are you saying?\  
  
[Jake, you know what you said. He didn't take it with a laugh this time. He was serious.]  
  
\Marco's gonna kill himself isn't he?\  
  
[I think so.]  
  
\That was a rethorical question, I know you think so. I am you! I got to stop him.\  
  
[Why?]  
  
\Again with they why! I told you, whether he's gay or not, Marco is my friend.\  
  
[Yeah, but he's gonna kill himself because of his "so called" friend, who just shot down his emotions, intead of trying to understand them and deal with it.]  
  
\SHUT UP!\  
  
[You wouldn't act like this if it wasn't true.]  
  
  
"I don't believe this, I'm arguing with myself." I ran towards Cassie's house.  
  
\Cassie. She'll know what to do!\ I kept running as Marco's words echoed in my head \"Fine Jake. Go run to Cassie and tell her what happened. You won't have to deal with me anymore."  
He's right. I do turn to Cassie allot don't I?\  
  
[Hurry up JAKE! MOVE! If you want to save Marco, even though it's too late.]  
  
\I told you once, I told you a thousand times SHUT UP!\  
  
I just kept running. Trying to out-run that little voice in my head. But that sad thing was, I knew it my heart it was true.  
  
  
  
I finally reached Cassie's barn. Everyone else was there too, everyone minus Marco.  
  
  
"Hey Jake!" Cassie said, smiling.  
  
  
"Where's Marco?" Rachel asked, looking around. "Shouldn't he be here?"  
  
  
"He....he.." I choked.   
  
  
He what, Prince Jake? Ax asked. I didn't even bother to tell him "Don't call me prince." I was too depressed.  
  
  
"Jake? What happened to Marco?" Rachel asked, sounding worried now. Tears fell from my eyes.   
  
  
"Marco is about to kill himself, if he hasn't done so already."  
  
  
"WHAT!?!" Cassie shouted, almost shrieked.  
  
  
"You heard me."  
  
  
"B-but, why?" Rachel said, walking towards me.  
  
  
"Me."  
  
  
"Why you? What did you do?"  
  
  
"Marco is.... was gay. He told me he loved me and I pushed him away." Everyone was silent for a few moments.  
  
  
"Out of all the people, Marco was gay?" Rachel asked. I nodded. "Well I'll be damned. The entire time he was chasing after girls, he was in denial."  
  
  
You didn't even try to understand, did you? Tobias accused me. DID YOU?! I shook my head in shame. Bastard. I never knew you'd kill your best friend, Jake. He spat, his hateful words cut through into my mind, the annoying little voice was agreeing with him.  
  
  
"How long had he known?"  
  
  
"He says he figured it out he loved me in today's battle, but he said he knew he was gay for six months." Rachel let out a low whistle. I began to cry. "I killed my best friend!" I fell to my knees and sobbed.   
  
  
"No you didn't Jake." Cassie hugged me, "The life-style Marco picked was wrong. He couldn't force you to love him back. It's not nature's way for boys to love other boys." she whispered.  
  
  
Cassie, you're just saying that because you were scared that he'd take Jake away from you! Tobias yelled.   
  
"I never said anything of a sort and I never thought anything of a sort!" Cassie shouted.  
  
"I don't know about you all, but I don't think that we should all be acting like Marco's got some terminal illness or something. I have a godfather who's gay, he's a nice guy." Rachel said.  
  
  
WHY ARE WE ALL JUST STANDING HERE?! WE'VE GOT TO FIND MARCO BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! HE IS STILL OUR FRIEND AFTER ALL! Tobias screamed in our minds.   
  
[I wonder why he cares so much?]  
  
\SHUT UP DAMN YOU!\  
  
  
"He's right." I stood, still holding on to Cassie. "Let's go find Marco."  
  
  
"If he's still alive." I heard Rachel mutter darkly.  
  
  
  
  
We got to the beach where Marco, supposedly jumped to his death. Tobias flew around, then settled down again.  
  
  
The rain's making it too hard to fly and it's too dark for me to see that good.  
  
  
"Then we climb down." Rachel said.  
  
  
Rachel, the rock is slippery from the rain, it's too dangerous, we can take the trail down. Ax said, calmly.  
  
  
Yeah, we can take the trail."  
  
  
"Forget it, it takes to long, I'm morphing Seagull."  
  
  
"That's a great idea. Cassie, Tobais, go with her in gull morphs. Ax, you're with me." They nodded and morphed. I watched as they flew down, searching the rocks. "Let's go Ax." Ax and I walked down to the beach, searching the coast line until we found Marco, or at least his body. Then I stopped him, lying twisted a few yards away. "Ax! Tell the others I think I found him!" I ran over to the body, sure enough it was Marco.  
  
  
We found him! We found Marco! Come quick everyone! Rachel, Cassie and Tobias flew over and swooped down.  
  
  
All right! You found him! Rachel cheered, demorphing.  
  
  
He looks dead. Tobias said, demorphing as well back into his normal hawk form. Cassie had demorphed already.  
  
  
"That's because he is. He's dead guys." Rachel paled, Tobias screamed. I don't think he knew everyone could hear him.  
  
"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I grabbed Marco and shook him, hard. "Damn it Marco. Wake up! OPEN YOUR EYES!" I yelled. No reaction. I had killed my best friend. I slumped over Marco's dead form and cried.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Rachel:   
  
  
We were gathered in the barn. Jake had called Jeremy, Marco's dad, and told him what happened. Jake was in a corner, crying. Ax was talking to Tobias. Cassie was trying to get some work around the barn done. I was thinking about what Cassie had said before. About the life-style Marco had picked.  
  
\Wrong? Who is she to say who Marco could and couldn't love?\  
  
[Ahh, Cassie's not excatly homophobic though. She said she would have remained Marco's friend. She just didn't agree on his veiws.]  
  
\But to say they were wrong.....\  
  
[She has a right to her own opinion.]  
  
  
"Cassie. Why do you think Marco's homosexuality was wrong?" I asked.  
  
  
She turned to me and sighed. "It's not God's way. Had God made it so males can have sexual intercourse with each other, our bodies would be made different."  
  
  
I shruged, "Would you have remained his friend?"  
  
  
She look horrified. "How could you ask that?! Of course I would have! I might not agree with him on everything, but I certainly would have remained his friend!" She calmed down a bit. "Would you?"  
  
  
"Yes. I would have. I see nothing wrong with it. Neither does Tobias. Ax has no veiw on this sence Andalites have no veiws on homosexuality. Jake is....was afraid. I can't blame him. Having your best friend tell you that they are in love with you is kinda scary."  
  
  
We both sighed, looking at the once calm and together leader of the Animorphs. The once full of life boy with a warrior's soul was now empty and lifeless. A shell of his former self.  
  
\Jake. When are you going to relize Marco wouldn't want you to mourn forever. After all, we have to save the world.\  
  
  
  
Epilogue:  
  
  
The funeral had taken place three days after the incident. People from their school showed up, along with Erek, family and friends, everyone who knew Marco was there. Jake gave the Eulogy. Long and full of memories, leaving out the parts about the Yeerks of course. The last part, though, was what caused him, and everyone else in the Animorphs, to break down into tears.  
  
  
"I spoke to Marco before he took his life. He told me that he was gay." Gasps and murmers suddenly started up, but stopped as Jake continued, "It had been a shock to me too. He told me he found out six months ago. He then told me that he was in love with me. We got into a fight about it. I said something, something I shouldn't have, and he ran off. Now I wonder, 'Should I have tried my best to understand how he felt? Should I have gone after him and tried to stop him from taking his life? Would it have worked?' But ladies and gentlemen, if you were wondering why Marco died, you can always remember it was his best friend that killed him." Jake stepped down off the stage and towards his parents and Cassie.   
  
  
  
Two years later:   
  
  
We see a grave yard, and a tombstone with four flowers and a dead mouse on it. The tombstone read:  
"Marco, may you rest at peace with your soul."  
A boy smiled from his cloud in the sky.   
  
  
"It's nice to know that Jake did love me, just not in the same way. Even Rachel, Ax and Cassie, she just didn't agree on my love for Jake." he snorted, "She just didn't want the compition I bet. But Tobias.... he understood. I never relized how much he really understands these things. Maybe I should have told him first." He spotted the dead mouse and laughed. "Even though he was always a bit odd."   
  
  
"Marco! Supper!"   
  
"Coming!" With one last look at his grave, Marco flew towards the young woman waiting for him. "I still don't see why you always contradicted me, then contrdicted what said, what was the point of that Christina?"  
  
"To cause you trouble." the girl, Christina, said, toying with her cat ears. "Think about it dear, if I didn't say anything, would have told Jake?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He still would have turned you down, would you still have killed yourself?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Besides, you weren't the only one I bugged."  
  
"You are an evil angel."  
  
"Yep. Heh heh heh heh!"  
  
  
*|THE END|*  
  
  
A/N #2: Tacky ending I know. I was talking to a friend of mine and I asked her "What if Marco was gay??" It's JUST A TEST OF WATERS TYPE FIC! All flames will be laughed at and used for smores. MiSTs are welcome.   
  
Stay Frosty!   
  



End file.
